HOUSE OF JUDGMENT & PETTINESS

"Major crimes destroy cities. Minor ones destroy resonance. The courts handle the latter more aggressively."

The Judiciary governance operates across a split jurisdiction. While the High Statutes govern planetary tithing, existential boundaries, and core harmonic violations, the House of Pettiness executes fast, aggressive penalties regarding the Douchebaggery Prohibitions. All records are verified under the completely indifferent gaze of Lord Bailiff, the Resident Resonance-Sponge Cat.

Chamber Notices

Magistrates require absolute attention. Strategic cognitive failures will be processed without dynamic delays.

Visual Arch I ── The Douchebaggery Prohibitions

Selka Greenveil's Apothecary and River bend Shrine

Please stop bringing us shoes. If you are in need or would like to donate, you may visit scribe Mucous Melvin in the Chambers of Dissatisfaction in the Registry Building. No we do not have a map. Its literally to your upper left as you leave. All complaints against the House of Pettiness, can be filed through the Chamber's of Dissatisfaction at the Registration Building. However, most complaints are not interesting enough to illicit a response from The House of Pettiness. It would have to go throug Winter Sunshine, then the Menance, and even then the High Shenanigan, is still not garenteed to view it. You're more than welcome to file as many as you'd like though.

Statute Guidelines

By entering this room, culprits waive all rights to a pity party after sentencing concludes.

The Silk Stitch: Unnecessary complaining regarding labor results in spectral mouth sutures for 14 days.
The Brine-Tongue: Food complaints deemed whiny result in all items tasting exclusively of old dill pickles.
Mnemonic Confiscation: Bypassing rules by citing paternal power results in immediate removal of paternal memory.
Material Perjury: Crafting a chair that wobbles carries an absolute ban on that object class.

📜 Atherian Canon Laws

🏛️ The High Statutes (Public Core Laws)

Statute I: The Law of Conservation & Magical Debt Magic cannot be generated from nothing. Multi-threaded weaves borrow planetary infrastructure, requiring a restorative eco-tithe within nine days.

Consequences For Noncompliance

First time offenders face magical arrest for a fortnight. Any attempt at weaving causing obnoxious backfiring.
Second Offense: The offender will be rendered luck-neutral for a period of 4 years, 5 months, and 3 days. (You will experience no luck at all, everything has a 50% chance of happening. Things will never go arbitrarily in your favor. Nor will you receive bad luck.)
Third-time defaulters face permanent luck-neutrality and an immediate legal renaming to Phlegm Soupy Sam. If it is the culprit's birthday, renaming shall proceed as normal. Atheria doesn't forgive you and neither do we.
Note 66a: Due to a surprising amount of complaints, the courts have agreed to add Phlegm Soupy Thalnor, Mucous Melvin, or Phlegm Soupy Vaelar or Moisty Moria. Phlegm Soupy Sam will remain default. Changes made upon request via Form 402-B within a fortnight.
Note 66b: Offenders must recite their new name with enough “viscosity" and “harumph”. If deemed insufficient, the Resonance Council will make you stand in a bucket of warm oatmeal while you repeat it until compliance is achieved.
Note 66c: We cannot believe we are enacting this addendum but, please for the love of the divine, do not use one's own waste as fertilizer while tithing unless it is of the utmost and direst of needs. It's unbecoming and worst of all undignified to subject Atheria to it. It's akin to sheepskin! Doing so, will result in permanent removal of birth anniversary loopholes, benefits, advantages, and observances made. No more.

Statute II: The Law of Identity Manipulating another citizen's mind, memories, or soul triggers immediate Severance. The resulting permanent scar emitting a persistent odor of sauerkraut and sweat alerts the Gendarme of Echoes.

Ⅲ. The Decree of Eternal “Nonextinction” All weaves, incantations, and minor hexes shall be inscribed exclusively upon Papyrus or Birch Bark. Sheepskin is strictly forbidden as when burnt, smells of burnt hair and wet dog. Extremely undignified for any weave to be subjected to.

Notes & Addendums

First Offense: Time served is six months on the farm or two weeks in the public pit. Second Offense: Offenders will serve one month in the public pit. And must attend thrice weekly lectures on proper horse care and extended warranties on your carriage.
Third offense: Permanent residency on Husbandry Farms, splitting time between the two working farms. (Weekends included. Every other holiday is still granted off.) Sentencing is left to the discretion of the Justice Gendarme on duty the day of sentencing. It's entirely arbitrary.

⚖️ The House of Pettiness: Douchebaggery Prohibitions

Prohibition IX: Aggravated Phonetic Dissonance & Assault:

Verbally assaulting someone with derogatory language for personal ego inflation or otherwise harmful intent is an affront to the Song and causes misalignment within the resonance of Atheria. Being a bully will not be tolerated. If narratively justified, a special dispensation can be obtained by filling out an application to petition to obtain form 4o1-C)
First Offense: The offender is subjected to the immediate confiscation of a single letter from their vocabulary.

Prohibition Clause V: The Hereditary Arrogance Amendment Bypassing rules by posing the vocal query, 'Do you know who my father is?' is strictly barred. First offenses carry manual farm realignments; repeat offenses trigger complete, permanent paternal memory confiscation. If they are so proud of their father, the offender will learn to be his own invocation of wrath. Must also apologize to their mother for not invoking her wrath for once.

Visual Arch I ── The Douchebaggery Prohibitions

Visual Arch II ── The Gendarme Most Wanted

Visual Arch II ── The Treaty of Ink & Men

Ignorance of the law is no excuse for non compliance. Please be sure to stay up to date on the current laws. Each citizen is entitled to one mini law book and one pocket orrey. Please see scribe Fiona in the lobby of regret.

🕳️ Core Custodial Clauses (The Rasket & Gendarme Frameworks)

Addendum 403-C: The Gendarme Maple Ban Feeding Gendarme officers maple-flavored food items is strictly prohibited due to severe physiological allergies that induce an uncontrollable urge to speak only in near-puns. Violators will be chained to the affected officer for up to four days until symptoms subside.

X: Atherian Canon Universal Healthcare Initiatives Healthcare is Law. All Atherians regardless of races, status, or guild membership deserve Healthcare, and none shall be turned awayn
XI. The Atherian Charter of Acoustic Rights
The safeguarding of silence, tone, and memory is the birthright of all people. No person shall wield sound or sound-based magic with the intent to overwhelm senses, distort emotional states, or invade privacy (Resonant Misuse).n

☞ Active Case Intake Registry

Accused Individual (Given Line / Trade):

Identified Act of Douchebaggery:

Acoustic Benchmark (The Weight of the Sigh Test):

Subject matches current Birth Anniversary cycle

Processed Decree Matrix

Statute IV: Civil Arson

Select a systemic civil infraction from the working registry above to calculate the mandatory eco-tithing or situational restraint vectors.