The Public Pit
A heavy stone abyss designed for systemic behavioral offenders. Bring your own stake, or you will simply be tossed in. Complaints regarding depth are non-actionable.
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Husbandry Farms
A chaotic rural outpost for weaponized incompetence offenders. Negotiate with aggressive magical mallards and haul hydration buckets without magic. Enjoy our wonderful live speakers! Daily Seminars on educational & entertaining topics!
✦ Willow's Grace Retreat
✦ Traditional Husbandry Wellness
📜 The Incident Chronicle
The Birthday Clause: If it's the culprit's birthday, they may choose another body part of greater or equal value for amputation if they wish to keep their dominant hand. (Value is determined by whoever is on duty for the day. It's entirely arbitrary).
Case Log: The Seal of Regrettable Craft & The Rubber-Band Hex
The town crier stood upon the lift, looking out upon the crowd bloodlust colored their eyes. The smirk on his face said it all. The criminals here today sit in judgement for the heinous, despicable, almost unforgivable crimes they've committed. Yes they will experience pain. A significant amount of blood will be spilt this day. But most of all, these nefarious individuals will suffer a deeply devastating feeling of embarrassment.
“HEAR YE! HEAR YE! CITIZENS OF GILTWAY, RESIDENTS OF THE WARREN, AND ANYONE WHO WAS JUST TRYING TO BUY BREAD—LEND ME YOUR EARS, YOUR ATTENTION, AND YOUR SENSE OF SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT!”
He rang the bell with the force of a man who has waited his whole life for this moment. The crowd hurled insults, screaming "CHEESE FACE!" at the accused. The crime? Heinous forgery. Affixing a counterfeit Masterpiece Seal to a wheel of cheese to grant it illegal artistic protection.
The Dirty Fake Seal of Regrettable Craft:
The penalty was the revocation of primary hand privileges. The guilty cried out, invoking his birth anniversary rights. The crier turned to the axeman, retrieving the papers.
“It is indeed your birth anniversary,” the crier announced, pausing for dramatic flair. “However! You failed to get this notarized. Rendering it null and void! Axeman, proceed with sentencing!”
Cheese Face lost a hand that day. He never forged anything ever again.
Next to the block was a man covered in sweat and blood, chained at the wrists. A much more entertaining spectacle. “You are accused and found guilty of the permanent translocation of another’s personal property! A weave lasting almost a sev-night!”
The crowd hollered, hurling degraded agricultural commodities and masonry products. “Ahhh, it was a joke, you jobbernowl!” the inmate growled. He was furious his joke had fallen on deaf ears and had led to this. The Gendarmes did not care; they smelled the stink on him, and that was enough.
The sentence was passed: 5 days of spatial debt subject to the “Rubber-Band Hex”. Every time the inmate takes more than three steps in any direction inside the Pit, the hex violently yanks him backward. It is most satisfying to watch.
Let this be a warning, to all those who think forgery and translocating things is a wise decision.
Viewing note: Every Wednesday is free. Subsequent days are ranked by excitement level. They are priced accordingly. Please see Tessa at the booth.
The town crier stood upon the lift, looking out upon the crowd bloodlust colored their eyes. The smirk on his face said it all. The criminals here today sit in judgement for the heinous, despicable, almost unforgivable crimes they've committed. Yes they will experience pain. A significant amount of blood will be spilt this day. But most of all, these nefarious individuals will suffer a deeply devastating feeling of embarrassment.
“HEAR YE! HEAR YE! CITIZENS OF GILTWAY, RESIDENTS OF THE WARREN, AND ANYONE WHO WAS JUST TRYING TO BUY BREAD—LEND ME YOUR EARS, YOUR ATTENTION, AND YOUR SENSE OF SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT!”He rang the bell with the force of a man who has waited his whole life for this moment. The crowd hurled insults, screaming "CHEESE FACE!" at the accused. The crime? Heinous forgery. Affixing a counterfeit Masterpiece Seal to a wheel of cheese to grant it illegal artistic protection.
See the Evidence:
The Real Masterpiece Seal:
The Dirty Fake Seal of Regrettable Craft:
The penalty was the revocation of primary hand privileges. The guilty cried out, invoking his birth anniversary rights. The crier turned to the axeman, retrieving the papers.“It is indeed your birth anniversary,” the crier announced, pausing for dramatic flair. “However! You failed to get this notarized. Rendering it null and void! Axeman, proceed with sentencing!”
Cheese Face lost a hand that day. He never forged anything ever again.Next to the block was a man covered in sweat and blood, chained at the wrists. A much more entertaining spectacle. “You are accused and found guilty of the permanent translocation of another’s personal property! A weave lasting almost a sev-night!”
The crowd hollered, hurling degraded agricultural commodities and masonry products. “Ahhh, it was a joke, you jobbernowl!” the inmate growled. He was furious his joke had fallen on deaf ears and had led to this. The Gendarmes did not care; they smelled the stink on him, and that was enough.
The Destination:
The sentence was passed: 5 days of spatial debt subject to the “Rubber-Band Hex”. Every time the inmate takes more than three steps in any direction inside the Pit, the hex violently yanks him backward. It is most satisfying to watch.Let this be a warning, to all those who think forgery and translocating things is a wise decision.
Viewing note: Every Wednesday is free. Subsequent days are ranked by excitement level. They are priced accordingly. Please see Tessa at the booth.